I went to a funeral yesterday. It was the first funeral that I can consciously recall attending. I am sure that as a child I went to a few, but as an adult, I have never really had to face death.
I have done the usual waking up in a cold sweat after having a dream about the people that I love dying, but I have never actually faced death head on and confronted it.
I did yesterday.
I came to the most phenomenal conclusion. I have no regrets…
At least not when it comes to the people in my life. Sure there is the occasional friend that I let go by the wayside, but I can not think of a single instance where I have left something unsaid with somebody; no “parting on bad terms” so to speak. The people in my life who I love, know that they are loved. While I can not say with 100% certainty that the people in my life know how I feel about them, since I am not in their minds, I do believe that to the last person that they do indeed know.
With that realization, I began to understand something that had been troubling me for the past several years. You see, I have never had what most people would refer to as strong emotions about death. I assumed that this was because I had never encountered it in any form other than the passing of a pet. I believe now however that it is more due to the fact that I do not regret the standing that I have with my loved ones. I would most certainly be sad if and when they leave this existence, but I can not bring myself to imagine a state of absolute grief.
I don’t know. Perhaps with time and the deaths of people who are truly near and dear to my heart, my opinion on this matter will change.
It is my fervent desire however to maintain a state of no regrets with those people. So, when the inevitable does conspire against them, they know that they are loved… and always will be.